Some time not too long ago, on the SCA-Garb list, there was a lot of interesting talk about Garb Snarks. We heard from the people who'd been their victims, and there was a lot of advice on how to deal with them, but, not surprisingly, no one came out and admitted to being a Garb Snark.
Well, I'm Margo, and I'm here to say I'm a recovering Garb Snark. (Insert chorus of "Hi, Margo!") I use the word "recovering" in the same sense that 12 step programs use it: just because I may not have done it in years doesn't mean I'm cured. It's a constant struggle not to slide back into the old behavior.
When I first joined the SCA, I was a competent low end costumer. I'd gotten a lot of strokes from friends and family for my "stunning" costumes. I thought I was pretty hot stuff, and I didn't even know how much I didn't know.
During this time, I was also very bitter and nasty. I'd been raised in a family where a favorite form of humor was nasty criticism, and I believed that niceness equalled hypocrisy. I was in a bad living situation, from which I escaped into an even worse marriage. I was also struggling with learning disabilities and an eating disorder. Costuming was one of the few ways I had to feel good about myself.
My favorite recreation was making snarky comments about other people's costumes. I thought it was okay because I didn't make them within the wearer's earshot. I also firmly believed that everyone secretly thought the same as I did, and that they didn't make the same comments because, well, they weren't as *honest* as I was!
After several years of this, during which I managed to alienate much of the kingdom, I had the immense fortune to fall in love and run off with the best possible mate for me. For some reason, this wonderful man took on the project of turning me into a happy and confident person. It took him a few years, but he succeeded. Now my life is full of abundance.
After I got happy, I started paying more serious attention to my craft, doing serious research, and realized that I no longer wanted to be the Best Costumer in the World. There are enough people vying for that title. What I want is to be the Nicest Costumer in the World, which is much harder.
Because I've been there, though, I know what it was like to feel that my costuming was the only good and special thing about me, and that I had to let everyone know just how special I was. So I also try to be civil to the nasty costumers, even as I point out to them that perhaps they haven't realized that their tone is somewhat rude, and that there might be a better way to phrase what they're saying.
Like any other kind of recovery, it's a life-long project, but the results are well worth it.
Margo